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Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

Time:4:46 pm.
Fuck it I give up. Nobody reads this anyways. I'd be dead tommorow and none of you would think twice or give a fuck. I give up. I'm never coming to this blog again.
1 Legs were taken long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Monday, December 10th, 2007

Time:6:11 pm.
I feel like my very life has fallen apart at the seams....but it wouldn't be as if anyone cared anyways.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Thursday, July 19th, 2007

Subject:If I could Change the world.
Time:7:50 pm.
If I can reach the stars,
Pull one down for you,
Shine it on my heart
So you could see the truth:

That this love I have inside
Is everything it seems.
But for now I find
It's only in my dreams.

And I can change the world,
I will be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.

And if I could be king,
Even for a day,
I'd take you as my queen;
I'd have it no other way.

And our love would rule
This kingdom we had made.
Till then I'd be a fool,
Wishing for the day...

That I can change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.
Baby if I could change the world.

I could change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.
Baby if I could change the world.
Baby if I could change the world.

Ahh Good ol' Slow hand.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007

Time:8:41 pm.
Today has left me with the worst feeling of things to come and I honestly hope I'm reading the signs wrong. I'm praying to god that I'm just reading it all wrong and that I don't see coming what I think I do. Don't ask me what it is. I won't talk about it. I don't wanna talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I just want it to go away....

Knock on wood and cross your fingers for me.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007

Subject:Meh
Time:8:29 am.
Mood: sick.
So last night was my birthday. I'm 21 now. I didn't get drunk. But I did get really sloshed. I'm sorta paying for it now with the Gut rot. But who cares. (for those of you not familiar with gut rot, it's that feeling where you might throw up but can't. and your stomach just feels plain weird.) but otherwise I'm in my good mind again. Hung out with David and Dymonne last night and that was good. But I really wanted to spend it with Kassi. But I will celebrate with her this weekend. I remember logging on late as hell last night and talking to Meggie so it'll be interesting to see what happens. But I mean I didn't really do much. This was a pointless up date. lol.
1 Legs were taken long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Saturday, May 19th, 2007

Time:1:31 am.
I'm sick of going to Funerals....family members of people I care about need to stop dying.
2 Legs were takens long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

Time:8:11 pm.
To all who missed me I have made my return to the internet. So yeah...lets get to rejoicing.
2 Legs were takens long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Monday, March 12th, 2007

Time:4:34 pm.
Matthew is back in the hospital they don't know whats wrong with him. I'll be at the hospital visiting him tonight call my cell if you need me and prayers are appericated.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Friday, March 9th, 2007

Time:4:29 pm.
My Brother is in the hostpial having is apendex out. I'll be at Duke Med tonight if anybody needs me call my cell phone. if you don't have it...well I dunno. anyways prayers are appericated.
2 Legs were takens long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

Time:10:14 pm.
Mood:Sad.
I don't know what to do...I really don't I just feel iunno lost for the first time in a long time I feel really fucking lost it has nothing to do with my life or the people in it. and I just feel down...but like I cna' talk to anybody about it. like not even Chris if he was here. but he's not. and nobodys picking up tonight. not that I would talk aobut it anyways I just want to hear a voice that cares. and this song isnt' really helping anyways but it seems to fit my mood tonight.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Wednesday, January 24th, 2007

Time:9:00 pm.
Mood: blah.
I'm currently in love with this song

"My Standard Break From Life"

I've got a regular problem
So my standard break from life is in order
I'm having trouble making sentences
I'm older but I don't feel any smarter
You see I don't know what I said to you
And now you're pissed at you know who
And I guess I deserve it
I wish I could waste my time without wasting all your time
I try to leave a good impression
But it's hard when my obsession's in a pint glass
And when you're only 23
It's not attractive to complain about your sore back
Yes I can bitch until my eyes are blue
And you're in bed with someone new
And I guess you deserve him
Wish I could waste my time without wasting all your time
You say I'm fixable
A classic case, lack of will
I say I don't wanna try
I'd rather stay here all night

I've got a motivation problem
So my standard break from life is getting longer
Spent over 30 hours in this bed
In two days, I guess I could've phoned her
But now that I'm awake
I'd rather take a drink
And walk down to the lake
And beg the sky for lightning bolts
I can't waste my time without wasting all your time
You say it's fixable
A classic case, lack of will
I say I don't wanna try
I'd rather sit here all night



so anyway haven't updated since I can't rember when. so I don't really know what to say I mean what the hell should I update about? I don't really have anything to bitch about wich is a first for a long time now. Well I mean I do but it's shit I feel like I can work through with out having to write about it. I mean...I don't really have anything to talk about. at least not anything new
besides missing the hell out of her
wanting a new job
trying to get through this fucking car wreck in one peice
skyrocketing bills
plans to get the hell out again
friday night magic the gathering tournments
comic books
and just in general

I don't have much to talk about these days besdies I'm starting to think that my actions would do more for me than my words at this point in the ball game.

besides like I said even if I did have something major to bitch about I don't really give a damn at this point...maybe I'm out growing a need for Live Journal.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Saturday, December 23rd, 2006

Time:7:52 pm.
I'm really really scared about my finical situation right now it's really worrying me. I'm wondering if I'm going to need to take out a loan to pay it all off right now...I'm thinking I will.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

Time:3:47 am.
I feel like rolling in Broken Glass whenver I'm with out you.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006

Time:12:29 am.
Mood:Lonely for her..
I had a wonderful weekend with my love Kassi. The drive down seemed quicker than it did last time...taht might be impart becuase I usualy do 90 down the freeway lol. We exchanged X-mas gifts, and spent some quaitly time together...it's been probaly the best weekend of my life...and now I home. Tommorw I have to go to work...and I"m lonely...I miss her sleeping next to me I went to take a small nap in my room and ended up just lying there cuz I coudln't fall asleep with out her. The pillow and blanket smell like her. and just now I've had this empty feeling in my arms and hands cuz there she's not here for me to hold...I know this just means that I truely appericate what we have and that's true. But god knows theres night when it's all I can do to drive down to just sleep next to her. and work dosne't make it anybetter. it's not too bad she might come up for Christmas...and if she dose I'll be right by her side and I wanna drive down for Newyears eve/day. I wanna be there with her at Midnight there's no where else I'd rather be...no where.
1 Legs were taken long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Time:7:58 am.
Rawr...best weekend ever.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Friday, November 17th, 2006

Time:12:36 am.
I don't feel like my parents have loved me for a long time...it kinda hurts to admit it. I mean...when I get home I'm kinda treated with indfference. When I bring home Krissi or David or Chirs, mom and dad are all "Give me a big hug My Son/Daugther is home!" and they see me and there all "hey Charlie" it's felt this way for a long time. I mean my friends parents don't great me nearly as enthusaticly...but they are glad to see me. Like I feel like they car.I just dont' feel like mine do. I don't know I havne't felt good in a long time and like now I have Kassi which is wonderful. And I feel truely blessed. but like I don't know since I was a little kid I wish I could have a close family I wished so hard for it that it hurt...I wished when I had birthday partys Grand Parents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins would show. That we'd have like Family reunions and such...but then I met them all and found out what it's really like. and I was right back to where I started. I didn't fit in. and I contuine to not fit in with family, work, I dress differntly then all my friends...but I like it that way. I just feel like in the scheem of things I've always had to work and Toil. I mean nobody has it easy I know...well that's not true...some kids are just plain spoiled. I wish I was. Between mom threatening to call the cops on me. Dad ingoring me. The void I feel from family in general. The arguments with people I care about I'm just feelin' down tonight which I should. I should feel tottaly happy. I get to see Kassi tommorw and spend the weekend with my wonderful beuatiful girl. And at least if I have love from no one else I know I do from her. that's the only shining spot I see right now.

I've been working on some lyrics...I don't know if I"ll do anything with em'. Probaly not

Mommy and Daddy haven't been proud of me
Probalby since I was 15.
Can't say I blame them but I can't say I care.
I'm just drifting far away from anywhere

Going over like a Led Zeplin into Nazi Germany
black clothes and low hopes Fire in the skys
Maybe if I'm lucky I'll just dry and fade away
Maybe if I'm lucky I'll come back one day

Mommy dosen't love me and Daddy dosen't care
I'm so fed up with trying sometiems I wish I wasn't there.
But things will be okay soon cuz Charlie's movin' out
so a fuck you all don't call me you know
yeah what the fuck ever I'm out.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006

Time:1:00 am.
Mood: enthralled.
I am the luckyest guy in the whole entire world.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Saturday, November 4th, 2006

Time:12:18 am.
Mood: happy.
Tonight I told her.
1 Legs were taken long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Time:12:17 am.
Mood: drained.
One of the strongest memorys I have from Child hood is at the age of 11 my mother pushing me up aginst a wall and choaking me untill I choaked her back...Another is coming in at the age of 12 or 13 and seeing my little brother crying on the couch with a black eye and my mother telling him he got what he deserved...another memory is when she hit me with a Nintendo controler...tonight I confronted her with this and she denyed them...well...I'm sorry mohter I didn't forget it or pawn it off...and she has the nerve to tell me that i have abusive tendincys. I don't have many memorys of my father...he never seemed to bother to make any with me.

Tonight my brother came home with his report card...he's not doing so well in school and my mother wanted my father to whip him with his belt which he did...but I couldn't hold back the memorys I have...of the fights they had when they were yonger...of my father destorying the kitchen...beating my brother....

this is not some emo entry about how bad I had it growing up...in the scheme of things I didn't at all...I've just been holding it in for way to long...I don't talk about anything...how much it hurts me that my father never really seemed to give a fuck about me unless he was guilt triped into it. or how over bearing and smothering my mother can be. in the scheem of it all they've really tried to break those habbits because there own parents were abusive.

But at the end of the day it's no wonder I don't function right...why I dont' feel right...
I don't really feel like theres anything good to me at all.

and in truth I don't need to here how selfish and self centered I sound I could care less...I know these things alreday and I know I only really use this journal to vent my bad feelings...but nobody listens to me otherwise...with the exception of a very few amount of people. And it's not even really about that.

and even as I type this out one of them is listening.
Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

Sunday, October 29th, 2006

Time:4:54 pm.
Mood: happy.
OH MY ROD!!!! WE HAVE AN ANIME SHOP IN RALEIGH NC!!! LIKE A HALF FUCKING HOUR AWAY FROM ME!!! I'm stoaked dude...really fuckin' stoaked. I'm accutly eating pocky...hell they sell it by the bloody case there. FUck suncoast they see Pockey by the case. lol. allthough no one may find this as cool as me I'm stoaked.
4 Legs were takens long ago |Chainsaw| Let Mr.Chainsaw have your legs.

LiveJournal for Mr.Chainsaw.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.